Didn’t your manager think you were capable of putting such a report together? (I'd prefer 'I'm really impressed with report - I can see how much effort you put in, and it's going to be helpful for the organisation'.) Why is your manager taking credit for the work you put into the report? You could also feel patronised. After all, you were the one who put the effort into writing the report – you did the research, you put the paper together. How might you feel as the worker? You could feel annoyed and put out.

Manager: 'I’m proud of the report you’ve written'. Let’s look at some examples (followed by some suggested alternatives) – adult first, then child, to help illustrate this point: So - when a parent says, 'I’m so proud of you', is the parent taking the credit for the child’s accomplishments? The key words (for this discussion) are ‘creditable to oneself’. Who ‘owns’ the achievement? (our pride is generally around an achievement).Ī Macquarie Dictionary definition of ‘proud’ is: ‘feeling pleasure or satisfaction over something conceived as highly honourable or creditable to oneself’. Had I ever thought about the meaning behind these words? What would replace this oh-so-common parenting expression? And why should I stop using this phrase? Three reasons I avoid saying “I’m proud of you”.

For me, this was a huge take-away moment. Some years ago I attended a parenting seminar, where the speaker incidentally mentioned avoiding the phrase 'I’m proud of you'. However – what messages might our children actually hear? What do they perceive - when a parent (or teacher) says 'I’m proud of you'? 'I’m proud of you!' How often do we utter this common parenting phrase, in moments of pleasure at our child’s latest achievement? With the best of intentions, we want to let our children know of our pride in them.

So proud of you